BREATHING TECHNIQUES REQUIRED... let's stop confusing the eff out of our kids!

PREFACE

I'm still collecting data on conquering my inner bitch... so please hold on that blog update.

---

You know what's harder than figuring out your inner bitch? Motherhood, marriage, working (not the job itself in my case, just the time consumption it requires), co-parenting, friendships... literally all things adult. But, you know what's REALLY difficult? Watching your kid do crafts!

LORD HELP ME

Yowza... I would never be able to be a daycare provider, a teacher or anything or anyone that involves crafts and kids! My anxiety levels reached an all time high, I had to turn on music in order to focus on something else because I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the end! It was only step two and I swear I was practicing breathing techniques! She is 10... so she is fully capable of reading and following directions, but daaaaamnnnnn girl!

The reason I was freaking out was because of myself! I am the one who suggested she do this craft the Santa brought her, and I told her to do it next to me! Right away when I made the suggestion she said, "Will you help me?" I responded with, "No, it is for kids your age you can do it."

Now let me bring this full circle for you. My husband and I just had a conversation with her about her being old enough to hold herself accountable and be aware of the things that need to be done and we empowered her to do those things on her own. Like picking up after herself and walking away, even though we know she sees those extra crumbs left behind or the sock that feel on the floor from her laundry basket that she carried down the stairs. We are just trying to show her that there isn't always going to be someone walking behind her picking up after her, so she needs to be aware of her surroundings and be present rather than be concerned about pushing the dust under the rug so that it is out of sight and out of mind and get back on her iPad. Trying to show her how to be independent, you know?

So, now that you have the background... things will be easier from this point. I suggest that she do this craft, she asks for help immediately because I have held her hand and helped her through every little thing, big or small. But now it is to the point where she is pretty dependent on me and she needs to be able to do somethings on her own.

Yet here she comes with this craft in a box and what do I do? Start reading the directions with her, help her lay out the supplies and correct her mishaps, that's what I do!!! I realized what I was doing and told her that she can do this on her own, just read the directions. Yeah right! She is SO used to falling back on me that she asked to finish coloring the felt leaves because her hand was tired.

SHE ASKED ME FOR HELP COLORING BECAUSE HER HAND WAS TIRED!

Can you imagine the look on my face?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I told her absolutely not, she can color and if she needs to take a break she can certainly do so. But she asks because she is used to people just doing things for her. This craft is sure teaching me more than it is probably teaching her!

I have sat here now, showing frustration over something that is supposed to be fun, it's not! Finally, I told her that this was brought to her by Santa and he got it for her because he was confident that she could do it on her own because she is extremely smart. She sighed the most annoyed sigh in the world... probably even rolled her eyes when I looked away. But guess what?

It turns out that she can actually peel the backing off of double-sided tape on her own and she can color!!!!

So, what have I learned... I learned that I have to apply the conversation of being independent to all aspects of her life. Don't get me wrong, I want her to still want my help, but I want her to be able to start telling the difference between wanting help and needing help.

If you are still with me through all of that, I applaud you!

Teaching our kids to survive and navigate in this world is hard, and it starts in our homes! Right from wrong, good from bad, wants versus needs, how to handle attitudes, how not to live like a slob, how to be nice to people... it all starts in our homes. I can't possibly expect to raise independent human beings if I am here holding their hand through everything, picking up those socks that fall, shutting off their closet lights, or whatever it is.

It starts in my home and it starts with me.

I need to realize the wants versus the needs! Is it easier for me to do certain things? You're damn right it is, but how about we just confuse the shit out of our kids! Like if your kid hits you and you spank them while saying, we don't hit or your kid yells and you respond by yelling and saying we don't yell... CONFUSING RIGHT? For their minds, it is sooo confusing. And while those things are obvious examples, it is up to us to figure out the less obvious ones! Like the socks, the crumbs, rinsing their dishes off, throwing away all of their garbage, putting their shoes away, I could go on, but I will stop there. I NEED TO STOP doing the little things in order to teach them bigger things. I am responsible for my kids growing up to be co-dependent or independent... needy little shits or get shit done type of people.

So, next time your kid asks you to do something minor and you look at them like they are an alien from outer-space with no fingers, ask yourself what you have done to allow them to ask this. We have clearly given in to this question before OR something similar. We need to raise some strong kids to survive in this world... and it is going to have to start with the little things! Get on my wagon... it is cozy, I have wine! Let's do our best to not confuse our kids and raise them to be strong members of society! We are going to lose our minds either way... we might as well do it together and give our kid's their best shot at life!

After telling my daughter that she was on her own with her craft... she only asked me for help one more time. I gave her a look and she said, "Never mind, I got it." I WON!!!!!!!

I won, and she won. She felt so proud after she did it on her own. Seeing her proud was what confirmed it for me. She feels better when she is able to complete things on her own, sometimes those things suck, but she is proud!

Isn't it pretty? Her own little succulent garden!